I'm gonna have a badass scar
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
