I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize