Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
