Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize