imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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