omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
