my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
