I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
