So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
