I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
