ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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