hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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