the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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