Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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