hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
