It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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