Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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