were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
