I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
