Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
