I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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