Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
