mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
