They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
