did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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