He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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