You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
