she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
