And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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