Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
