girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
