:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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