Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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