PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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