it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
