Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
