I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
