i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
