And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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