Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
