I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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