You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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