I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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