I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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