Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
