i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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