I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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