PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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