i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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