i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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