New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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