Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
