why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
