You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
