he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
