I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
