Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dicks are not precious.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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