You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
