evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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