they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
