We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
