if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
