Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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