We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
