I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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