Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
