i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
