I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
