I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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