Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
