I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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