Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize