She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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