Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
