my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
