I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think pants incapable of making pants work
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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