You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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