Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
