Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
