Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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