Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize