Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
