I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
