I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
