I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
