all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize