did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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