There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
