There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
