I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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