I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
