Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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