i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize