my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
