Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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