so explain again why im purple
no
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize