Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
