when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
